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Stopping a downward spiral

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In the past, my birthday has always been a trigger for me to relapse or get anxious. But for the past two years, my birthday has been my birthday. A day to celebrate my birth.  Around Thanksgiving, I started feeling different. December was just a month of misery. I now realize that my meds had stopped working. So here I stand at a crossroad--I can increase the dosage and continue on my merry way or not. Remeron not only stabilizes my mood but gives me an appetite.  I haven't had one since Thanksgiving. I eat based on time. If it is 7:15 a.m., it is breakfast. By noon, I must eat lunch and dinner between 6 and 7 p.m. If I increased the dosage, the appetite comes back for awhile  but I will gain more weight. This is why I was taking Seroquel to help with anxiety.  I don't think there is a enough Seroquel in the world to deal with my anxiety. And while my therapist is being helpful, he admitted this is beyond him. So we are looking for a therapist outside of the area who can he
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COVID is the worst

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It has been almost two weeks since my son was diagnosed with COVID-19. COVID is the worst because there are very few ways to treat it. And you can't be near your loved one. So I am calling a few times a day and praying. I visited him on Saturday. He stood at his window and waved at me standing outside of it.   There are 608,946 people in South Carolina who have or had COVID. My son is one of those people.  He isn't just a number. He is a 15-year-old wise-ass who loves to play video games, read anime, and sing. He is not sure what he wants to do with his life but I want him to be able to have a life. 
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Sick and tired of being sick and tired!!

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Striking my best pose in my shirt dress and green pumps. I  had an moment this morning in the shower. I am tired of being unhappy and depressed.  So I decided I am doing something about it. I put on a black shirt dress (that looks awesome on me) and some cute green pumps. And I strutted my stuff today. For the first time in weeks, I didn't feel frumpy or down on how I looked. In fact, I thought I look damn good.  I am tired of being stressed about my job. I am tired of self-defeating thoughts about my appearance and weight gain. And I am tired of being tired. It ends today. Today, I took back  my life. From this moment on things will be done my terms. If the head honcho comes in May and decides my job is cut, I will shed some tears and pack up my things. But it will be because of budget and not because of job performance. I am a damn good reporter. I work hard to cover my huge beat.  There will be no more waddling in self pity on my couch. For the last few days, I hav
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