Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Horror movie marathon

I have always loved horror movies. It started when I was 11 or 12 with the movie Halloween. I remembered being scared out of my mind but I was hooked. Through the years, I have watched everything from Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Saw.

But I have noticed as I get older, I don’t like the really gory stuff or movies like Paranormal Activity.

For months, JJ has been obsessed with watching horror movies. Recently, he saw commercial for the new version of Carrie and wanted to see it. I have seen the original and want to see the new version. I don't

 I had promised him a horror movie festival when I came for my visit. I have never seen or heard someone so excited. I had picked out several such as Virus, The Fog, Legion and Cloverfield. I knew secretly that he would only make through one movie before being scared shitless. My son is smart for his age but he is 7.

So Saturday night, we put on our pajamas and started watching Cloverfield. It scared him. To me, Cloverfield is not a scary movie but I am an adult.

Several things happened:
1. It was the only movie we watched.
2. There was a vow from him to never watch a horror movie again.
3. I had to sleep in the bed with him.
4. I had to escort him to the bathroom.
5. I had to check out the entire room out for critters.

I had a feeling that he wasn’t quite ready. So I picked a movie that wouldn't be so bad to watch. In another year or so, he will be ready for the horror. For now, he is content to stick with The Avengers and anything animated. And that is okay with me.

1. Having a great visit with JJ.
2. Being able to sit outside and drink a cherry slushie with him.
3. Being in the moment!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Feeling like an "Avenger"

I am having the best Monday that I have had in a longtime. It started with getting ready to 80s music. But the best part is being able to do 75 mph on I-95 in a Dodge Avenger. I felt like I was in a state-of-the-art tank. It was AWESOME!!!!

Well, how did I go from a 2004 Chevy Cavalier named Beatrice to an amazing piece of machinery like the Avenger. On Friday, I was rear ended while coming back from covering a pep rally. Yes, a pep rally!! I was just sitting in traffic waiting and hoping to leave work early. Instead, a lady hit me and I hit a pick up truck. As the person in the middle, my car was the most damaged. I am a little achy but doing fine. I feel very blessed because things could have easily been worse.

So now, I am the temporary owner of a Dodge Avenger. The police report for the accident will not be ready until Tuesday so I am enjoying my temporary ride. This is why my Monday is so AWESOME!!!

My weekend celebration with my best friend was great. We sat around and drank Cherries!! It is a drink she made up that has cherry limeade, vodka, cherry pie filling and lots of ice. By 7 p.m. Saturday, we were some happy ladies. It was nice to have a low stress birthday with lots of conversation, good food and homemade red velvet cake.

I think I am in a good mood because I refuse to be defeated by life and its challenges. I am trying to be the glass is half full girl instead of half empty girl. So it will be a good week because at the end of it, I am leaving early on Friday to go and visit my JJ. And we will be Avengers together!!!


1. Being able to drive a Dodge Avenger!!!

2. Being able to watch away from car accident with just minor bruises.

3. Having my best friend make me homemade red velvet cake!!!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Birthday adventures

I am officially 40 and I am loving it. Plans for my birthday were simple. I was headed to my best friend's home by the lake where we would drink, watch movies and veg out.

Instead I was in bed sick with a bad cold. I am not disappointed or angry. Secretly, I am happy. I like celebrating my birthday alone. It is a time for reflection, key lime pie and the ability to what I want to do.

I celebrated by singing Happy Birthday to myself, drinking NyQuil and watching Brat Pack movies. It was absolutely perfect. One of the best things was having my son sang Happy Birthday to me. I will see him next weekend and we plan to bake my birthday cake together. I would prefer it to be a red velvet one. But I am pretty sure he will pick something with crazy colors and strawberry icing.

Since I am feeling better, my bestie and I will celebrate my birthday with homemade chicken pot pie, homemade red velvet cake and vodka. Nothing says Happy 40th Birthday like lemonade and vodka while sitting on a deck looking at a beautiful lake.

And next weekend, it will be birthday celebration no. 3 with son. It will be more cake and soccer in the park.

I'm loving being 40!


1. It is Friday. No work for two days.

2. Finally, unpacking all of my cute sweaters and jackets.

3. Feeling blessed!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Happy Birthday to me!!!

I will turn the big 40 on Saturday. This is a major milestone. A milestone I never in a million years thought would be possible for me.

A longtime ago, I hoped to live to see 30. It was a simple goal and once it happened, it made me wonder about living to be 32 and 35. I must admit 40 was never something I saw happening. And Lord willing in a few days, it will happen.

When I was deep in ED, my focus was surviving. If I lived through the night, I did well.  I remember when I turned 25 that a doctor told me that I wouldn't live to see 30 if I didn't get help.

Five years ago, I almost gave up but fight hard to stay alive. Each year since then has been a struggle. And some years have been better than others.

I am between insurances right now so it has been a little bit of a struggle being able to afford my medication. But I will push through because I am going to be 40. When I think how far I have come, I am so proud.

I attribute it to God, an amazing support system and my son. With the damage done to my body by ED, I was told that I would never be able to have children.

Before JJ, there were two miscarriages and a stillborn. He is my miracle and he shows me what life is like in the light instead of hiding in the shadows.

Reminding myself of how far  has helped me keep going. I have come too far to throw in the towel.

Recovery isn't easy. It is a continuous journey full of turns and twists. My birthday present to myself is being healthy. Healthy enough to have a 80s dance party in my living room three nights a week. Last night, I danced for almost a hour. Five years ago, I was lucky to be able to shower and make it to the couch. And now, I am able to work, play at the park with my son and dance around my living room. I feel so blessed.

I used to wear baggy and shapeless clothes because I couldn't handle my image of my body. Today, I am proud to show off my body. There are some bad body image days but the good outweighs the bad.

Happy Birthday to me and hopefully many more years!!!


1. I am so glad fall is here. I can wear all of the cute sweaters I brought on clearance last spring.
2. To be healthy enough to celebrate my 40th birthday!
3. Drinking a pumpkin spice latte!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Happiness is how you make it


Before my insurance went on hiatus, my therapist gave me an assignment--to write a list of things to make me happy. When I see her in December, she expects to see the list.

Writing the list was kind of hard for me. I mean I know the number one thing that makes me is happy is the not-so-little guy but what else.

Here's what I have so far:

  • Spending time with son JJ
  • Reading a good book outside 
  • Listening to music
  • Dancing to 80s music in my living room
  • Having a good relationship with God
  • Reading a Sunday newspaper
  • Taking a walk
  • Helping others
  • Spending time with my friends
  • Watching Criminal Minds
  • Creating something 
  • Walking through the stacks at the library
  • Vacationing 
  • A night out on the town dancing
  • Cooking a meal
  • Catching up with a old friend
  • Mending fences 
  • Getting lost in a new place and enjoying it
  • Taking a train to DC
  • Good food, great friends and a bottle of wine
  • Taking a drive in the country
  • Looking at the world from the perspective of a child
  • Laughing with my best friend
  • Sitting on the deck
  • Having a healthy child
  • Enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon on the couch with a remote and a stack of magazines
  • Going to the movies
  • Mediating in the morning 
  • First cup of morning coffee
  • Smiling when I feel excited
  • Checking the mailbox
  • Hugging 
  • Homemade chicken fettucini
  • Drinking orange soda
  • Eating a brown mule
  • Walking barefoot on the beach
  • Swinging on the swings at the park
  • Being healthy enough to enjoy of all of the things that make me happy
  • Being secure in my geekiness
These are the things that make me happy. And whenever I am down or discouraged, I will look at this list to remind me.

1. Being able to come in at 10 a.m. for work. 
2. Finding the Directv music channels. I relieved the 80s as I dressed for work.
3. Enjoying the beautiful day!

Happy New Year!!!!

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