Thursday, March 31, 2011

End of March brings food poisoning, sinus issues and weight obession

It has been forever since I updated. I have had a bout of food poisoning and now dealing with a nasty sinus thing. In addition, I am having some ED issues. This is not a happy time for me. Plus thing are insane at work and in my personal life. It makes one want to retreat the comfy bed and hide under the covers.

The food poisoning was scary because I was sick. I am just now getting comfortable with eating again.
With my crazy schedule, I thought I was getting tired but no sick. There is no time to be sick because we only have three reporters and one is covering a court case. So the remaining reporter and I are struggling to do our jobs and keep from ending up in the hospital.

All of the meds I am taking to get well are wrecking havoc on me taking my meds. I learned that my remeron and dayquil together makes me jumpy and little paranoid. And never watch horror movies while taking nightquil especially zombie ones. Let’s just say things got interesting in the middle of the night.

EDwise, I saw my therapist. I have become obsessed with numbers. How much I weigh, how much I eat and stuff like that. During my appointment, I asked him if I could weigh myself.
Dr. M--I don’t think that would be wise. You are a little to focused on your weight.
Me--I think I am doing fine. I just wanted to know.
Dr. M--What happens when you find out. If the number isn’t what you want to hear, are you going to restrict? I know you don’t have access to a scale so I think it is best that you stay off the scale.
I thanked him and walked out of the session. As I drove back to work, I realized what I did was not cool. So I called back and apologized.

I know obsessing is not healthy. So I am trying to focus on other things and not my weight. I could go and buy my own scale. But that would lead me down a road that I don’t want to travel on.
Thanks to being sick and working, I haven’t had time to worry about my weight. I just worry about if I will ever feel like myself again.

Daily Dose
1. Orange soda makes me feel better.
2. I don’t have to work this weekend.
3. Warm weather is returning.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Reality Check

Yesterday, I had a reality check. I have been stressing and moping about various things in my life. In the past few weeks, there have been plenty of woe is me moments. I had a chance to meet and interview a group of wounded warriors yesterday for the newspaper. A lot of them had been wounded in the war in Iraqi. Having a chance to meet with them made me realize just how fortunate I am. I admire anyone who is willing to put their life on the line to protect their country and freedom. It sadden me that several of them were so young. When I was 22, I wasn’t dodging IEDs or dismantling a weapon. Sometimes, we need a reality check to show us what is important in life.

Last night, I had a discussion with my husband about JJ’s upcoming spring break. There are a lot of factors involved such as his mother dying of lung cancer and him not wanting JJ so far away. He felt like I was doing well with meds but was concerned about sending JJ up here. I told him that I am doing fine and he is welcome to come. But I would like to spend time with JJ in my neck of the woods and let him meet my friends. So we will see. Personally, I would like him here because I venture out of my comfort zone every time I got visit my son. I am trying to be patient and nice because I know what my husband is going through with his mother. I am doing the best I can with the high cost of gas. I am sending money to support jj plus other things.

So I am trying to not to stress about it. Hopefully, my son will get a chance to RR with me.

Daily Dose

1. The weather is awesome!

2. Meeting a group of true heroes.

3. Getting kudos on taking some really great pictures at an Elvis impersonator concert.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Today was a good day!

For the first time in a longtime, I felt like me. Today was a very good day. I was allowed to cover a women's conference for the newspaper and magazine. It was a very empowering experience. While at the event, I didn't realize just how many people I have come in contact with while living in RR. It was just fun. And I need fun and uplifting in my life.

I had to do my Sunday profile and ended up meeting someone who I think I will become friends with. I interviewed her over lunch and came away speechless. An outstanding woman who doesn't understand just how valuable she is to the community. Like I said, today was a great day.

I had a chance to interview renowned poet Nikki Giovanni. I have read her work and seen her on tv but in person, the lady is awesome. I had a chance to not only be a professional journalist but a fan as well. Someone was nice enough to snap a picture of me with her. Today was good day.
The photographer has her picture taken!

And for the first time in weeks,  it was an ED free day. And even got  a compliment from a guy. He said "you have gained some weight. It looks great on you but I bet you get that a lot." I think I actually blushed.

Once I am done here, I am going home to chill because I don't want to ruin this day.

Daily Dose

1. Finally feeling better after a bout of food poisoning.

2. Had a great hair day!

3. Realizing I have an awesome job that allows me to have amazing experiences!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Happy Birthday!!

Today, my mother would have been 54 years old.
I had to request the urge to call her cell and wish her a happy birthday. I still can’t believe she is gone. Last year, we celebrated her birthday and thought there would be a few more.
The best way to honor my mother is to be the best person she raised. She instilled in me a pretty good work ethic and a love for clothes. And to help those who are in need.
Even though, my husband and I are still existing. I am trying to be there for him because his mother is in her final days of lung cancer. I know that he and his four siblings will be devastated. They are a closer knit family than mine. And we all grief differently. So when the time comes, I will be there for him and JJ. I will grief some too. She is an awesome lady just like mom was.
Yesterday, I went to one of my mom’s favorite stores and found some serious deals. I brought this $40 purple and black sweater dress for $2.97. I also got two cool sweaters. The total was $15. The receipt said I saved more than $120. My mother would be very proud because not only am I wearing a dress but I even curled my hair.
Instead of moping and complaining about my body issues, I am doing something about it. The city of RR is opening its own fitness center. Cost is $20 a year for residents. I have enrolled and have created several playlists for my mp3. I have also started to drink more water and not go home and just veg on the couch.
The reason I feel like a sloth is because I am acting like one. One thing that I have learned from watching my mother and my mother-in-law battle cancer—there is not time for pity parties. So I am done crying and moping. Today, Silly Girl is on the mend.
One of the last things that my mom told me was that she just wanted me to be healthy and happy. I am glad that she saw me on the road to recovery. The last few weeks have been rough but I was raised to be tough and not take any crap.

Daily Dose
1.      Finding great bargains at Belk’s for last than $20.
2.      Getting ready for my weekend with JJ.
3.      Not passing out over the price of gas-$3.58 a gallon.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


One of my favorite school events to cover is Read Across America. It is the celebration of Dr. Seuss' birthday. After the last few weeks, I was looking forward to wearing a giant red and white hat. The day started out pretty cool.  I was finally starting to feel comfortable in my body. And then a teacher walked up to me and patted me on the stomach and said my son must be so happy that he is getting a brother or sister. I didn't cry or get angry. I just quietly told her that I wasn't pregnant. She started apologizing.

I wish I could say it didn't get to me but it did. Between the woman at work, not being able to fit my clothes and not being able to look at myself in the mirror, this was the final straw. I have been restricting some. For the last few months, I had started to enjoy food. I know this is part of recovery. When I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw a fat slob. Everything I tried on showed how big my stomach has gotten.

I have all of these emotions. My mother-in-law will probably be dead by the end of this week. Work has become insane. I feel like everything is spiraling out of control. I am suppose to meet with Dr. M on Tuesday. He wants to up my meds. I don't  because it will increase my appetite. He is trying to find a dietitian for me to talk with. I am trying to be proactive but I am scared that I will slip.

Daily Dose

1. Texting with my son!
2. Working out safely
3. Watching a Criminal Minds marathon!

Happy New Year!!!!

Happy New Year! I will admit that 2017 wasn't the worst year of my life but it wasn't the best. I feel like I spent the entire time ...