Saturday, July 31, 2010

Hoodwinked, tired and frazzled

My mom is doing somewhat better. Yesterday, I had a Top Chef moment. My mother said she felt like she could eat. My mission--chicken wings and gravy with homemade mashed potatoes. I was up for it. It has been a long time since I have made homemade mashed potatoes. I have issues with mayo. I had can eat a sandwich or something with mayo in it as long as I am not the person putting the mayo in it. Don't ask why. It has been a quirk for awhile now. Anyway, the meal was a success. My mom didn't eat much but my aunt and cousins were quite impressed. They had forgotten that I knew how to cook.

My brother is a single dad. So I try to be a supportive sister and aunt. My aunt Em takes care of D while my brother is working. Yesterday, in the midst of a rough day, I get a call from my brother wanting to know if I would watch D. I told him it would be hard considering how sick our mom and how hyper and rambunctious D is. My brother said he needed a break. It has been the longest 24 hours of my life and I have lived a rather interesting life. I can't get my brother to answer his phone or return my texts. I had plans to be with my son today. I have been looking forward today for weeks. And here I sat waiting. Oh, had I know my brother is okay. He called my mom.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my nephew. But he and JJ are different as night and day. Try an Alaskan one. It is hard balancing care for a very sick person and a hyper 4-year-old. And we're not going to discuss the moment when they both threw up at the same time last night. I had ran back and forth between my mom's room and living room where D is station. I have watched several episodes of Spongebob and some episodes of a Miami Vice marathon in my mom's room. I am tired and D does not nap.

Tomorrow, I will see JJ at 11 a.m. I will make the most of my time. I am so pissed at my brother that I can't think straight. He knew how important this was to me. My mom told me no one likes to babysit for my brother because he takes advantage of their generosity.

My mom has five chemo sessions left. My aunt said she wasn't happy when the doctor told her. Apparently, the lessen the dosage of the one big chemo, it take five little ones. I don't know if she can handle five more. Hopefully, Dr.T knows what he is doing.

Well, I am getting a second wind. I had thought if D napped then I could have had one.

Daily Dose

1.Venting is best thing.

2. My brother is officially on my hit list.

3. I see JJ tomorrow.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Breaking point

The last few weeks have been rough for me. It has ranged from being sick to dealing with crazy work issues to custody issues and my mom's illness. A person can only take but so much and having a breaking point. Mine came in the grocery store on aisle 13. I was buying baby food for my mom. It is the only thing she can keep down after having chemo. Standing in front of rows of baby food overwhelmed me. Years ago, I had stood in the same aisle buying this food for my infant son. And now for my mom. I stood there and cried until a lady came up and ask what was wrong. It all came out in a jumble but she understood and gave met me the hug and words of encouragment I need.

My mom looks the way I looked at my lowest point. It is a quite humbling moment. It tells me how far I have come but shows I have many miles to go. Only five pounds now separate us--she at her weakest and me at my strongest. Instead of having one more intense chemo session. Her doctor has broken it up into mini ones. He is worried, with good reason, that she might not be able to withstand it.

When I arrived, her appearance stunned me. I hadn't been home since mid-May so I wouldn't make her sick. In that time, things got bad. Seeing my mom was seeing what myself looked like 2 years ago. It motivates me to try harder. She is struggling to keep baby food down.

I took the job in RR because I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't stand seeing her sick. And I couldn't deal with fact that my marriage wasn't working so I moved five hours a way to get a handle on things. It was this time a year ago, I found out about the job. I love this job. And I will hang onto it as long as possible. But when I am needed, I will move home. I have made peace with it. So until then, I will continue to be the best Lois Lane I can be.

Daily Dose

1. A beef mexi-melt and an Instyle Magazine hit the spot on a rough day.
2. Having a reality check.
3. A new season of Project Runway to watch.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A lot to do....before hitting the road

Curious George and Munchos keep me going on a long day at the office!
For me, a week is defined Tuesday to Monday. So technically for this week, I worked Tuesday and Wednesday. I will be off on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday to go home and see my mom and son. And finish the week on Monday.
In my two days, I have worked 26 hours. I have meetings in the morning and at night so I could easily get the 16 hours I need to make 40 hours without touching my sick or vacation time on Monday. This is sad. But I do what I do to save those precious hours in case my mom or son gets sick.

I am ready to get on the road in the early a.m. while most are asleep. I'm excited but nervous about going home.

I found this thing in People magazine that asked 20 questions. I decided to do it.

The first thing I do in the morning is...turn on the tv to watch the morning news.

The last thing my son did that made me laugh was...explaining the difference between boys and girls.

My least favorite food is...broccoli.

My favorite junk food is...barbecue potato chips.

My first celebrity crush was...Johnny Depp.

The first thing I brought when I first got a job...a Duke sweatshirt.

My least favorite thing to do each day is... to open my car, which cuts of the radio, and go inside to work.

The last time I said "love you" was...30 minutes ago to my mom.

The best present I ever got son being born healthy.

The most trouble I got into as a kid was...locking my brother in a closet.

My favorite clothing is...capri pants. I feel they are the answer to shorts.

My first car...was a Geo Metro.

What people don't know about me is...I have a fear of trains but love to ride them.

The last thing I do at night is...say a prayer for my loved ones.

My first date was...the worst of my life.

I'd like to meet...Martin Truex Jr. He's my favorite NASCAR driver.

My favorite place in the world is...wherever my son is.

Daily Dose

1. I'm going home.

2. I have been craving quesadillas.

3. Two days off from work. I shall not pick up a pen to write down what someone else is saying.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Sacredness of Sunday

This has been the perfect day. I got up just in time to get the last Sunday newspaper out of the box. And get in my morning walk before it got to hot. And by hot, I mean 101 degrees with a 109 heat index. I ventured out when it was about 87. I haven't been outside since. So what did I do today?  Well, I:

This is what it looked like on the bag. Looked like this except creamier and more spinach on my plate!
--Cooked a bag of Bertolli's Chicken Florentine and Farfalle. It had lots of spinach. I don't really like spinach but I am trying to eat more veggies and to see if I really hate certain foods or if it is ED that hates the food. I am on the fence about spinach. I like it as long as there is a creamy sauce or cheese. I used my handy dandy electric to make it for lunch and dinner. It was pretty good.

--Watched a marathon of Ice Truckers. This show fascinates me. They must make some serious bank to put their lives on the line. They are driving on ice. Amazing.

--Took two of the best naps of my 36 years of life. I woke of refreshed and happy.

--Read a stack of magazines such as Jet, TV Guide, surfer (I've always wanted to learn how to surf even though I can't swim), People (the issue with Zac Efron on the cover), Saveur, Esquire and Entertainment Weekly.

--Tried to start packing for the trip home. At least my undies are packed.

--Had a mini fashion show for myself complete with its own music mix and mood lighting.  I modeled for the Maison de Fille Stupide (House of Silly Girl). The fashion mix included Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)-Lostprophets, Losing You (UK Alternative version)--Dead by April, All the Same--Sick Puppies, Magic--Robin Thicke,  Shake Your Body Down--The Jacksons, and N.E. Heart Break--New Edition.

--Am hoping I can stay awake until True Blood.

In conclusion, I had quiet, heat free Sunday. I know my next few days will not be quiet or heat free.

Daily Dose

1. Spinach isn't that bad.

2. Quiet early morning walks.

3. Music is what the soul needs at time.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Assorted thoughts and ramblings

I love Saturdays especially a Saturday I don't have to work. So today, for the first time in 10 years, I wore shorts. This has been a big year for me because I would never wear dresses, skirts and shorts. I didn't like the way my legs looked. Today, I wore shorts. We had a heat index of 109 degrees. I ran some errands during coolness of when it was 85 degrees. And it is suppose to be even hotter tomorrow. And I plan to enjoy the air condition splendor of my room.

I woke up this morning craving nachos. At first, I thought it was a fluke but I really wanted some nachos. So for lunch, I had  nacho bell grande from Taco Bell. I have never ordered one because of all of the ingredients. I ate everything but the tomatoes. 

For the longest time, I couldn't watch the Food Network or any type of food show. I would subsitute watching the show for eating. So I stopped watching because I was afraid. A few months ago, I watched a marathon of Top Chef. I was hooked.  I have come a long way because now I jot down names of dishes I might cook.  Top Chef--Washington DC is a can't miss for me. And I am becoming a big fan of Chopped on the Food Network. It is interesting what those people come up with in a few minutes. For example, making an appetizer with zucchini flowers, kiwi and chicken breasts.

When I was in high school, and before ED took over, I wanted to be a chef. I took all of the food service classes my school offered. I was accepted into Johnson and Wales University (a culinary college) in Rhode Island.  As ED took over, I lost my love of cooking.

My friends are surprised to find out I cook even though I live a motel. I have an electric skillet and a microwave. I plan to buy a crock pot and either a toaster oven or a convection oven. So I don't eat out as much as people think. But I do miss being able to bake a potato or some fish sticks. I love fish sticks and macaroni and cheese.

My mom is out of the hospital. I had a great conversation with her last night. She was hospitalized so she could gain weight and nutrients. My mom, before getting sick weigh between 150 to 170 pounds,  weighted 108. Her hospital stay got her up to 120. She weighs 10 pounds more than me. She finds out Monday from Dr. T if she will have chemo on Tuesday. I leave for home early Thursday morning. I come back on Sunday evening. I have a lot to do before my journey home but I am ready.

Daily Dose

1. Nacho Bell Grande from Taco Bell

2. Ice cream on a really hot day.

3. Be able to watch the Top Chef Marathon

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Karma is a bitch

It will be almost a year since I picked up and moved. In that time, I have took all that my husband could dish. I have dealt with snide remarks, supervised vistations and other humiliations. I am a true believer in karma. If you do good, it will come back to you. But if you do back, karma is a very vengeful and vindictive bitch. Today, karma paid him back. He was dumped by his significant other on his birthday. I know because he sent me a text about it.

So I called him. Not gloat. Not to rub it in. But honestly, just to be a good person and to listen. I would love to say we are friends but maybe someday we will get back to that. Today, I was good person comforting the father of my child. I let him vent and cry. Why? Birthdays are sacred to me. It was the day your life began and it is special. To me, more special than any holiday. It is your day to celebrate the fact you lived another year. You don't dump someone on their birthday. No mattter how much of a prick they are. And trust me, I know how much of a prick he can be. He was dumped at 12:01 a.m. this morning. That's cold!

Today was the first time in a long time I felt like talking to my husband. I was a good person. I meant every word I said when I talked to him. I didn't want this to happen to him especially on his birthday.  But I learn one thing today that I need to rectify when I see my son. JJ blames my husband for me leaving. I can't say it isn't completely true but I can't allow him to take all the blame. He said JJ loves him but let know that he is the reason Mommy is good. And he doesn't like him because of this. I can't fix it completely. 

I don't know how things will be in the future with my husband. I can tell after next week things will be different. We are going to have conversation where we talk about being parents of JJ. And what is expected of the other and vistation. And this includes JJ visiting me in RR and being able to see my mother. This conversation is long overdue and very needed. For the first time in two months, I feel good about my life, my health and things in general. So here I sat writing this in my comfy pajamas, eating hummus and crackers and listening to my favorite tunes. Life is manageable.

Daily Dose

1. Karma is a bitch so do not mess with her. Seriously!

2. Hummus rocks!

3. Hearing my son's voice!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

So-so day with a free frappe

I found this quote at a local school. It made me think. This past weekend, I started taking my meds again. I briefly debated starting them. But with everything going on in my life, I decided to take the pills.

The steroids I had to take wiped out what little appetite I had. The meds give me an appetite and help me sleep. Today has been a so-so day. It has been so humid and free mocha frappe made it all better. There was a free coupon in the newspaper for one. So I had a frappe and  double cheeseburger. It wasn't the most nutritious lunch but it was good. I donated a bunch of magazines to a library that is trying to get off the ground. 

I have gotten hooked on Top Chef. It makes me think about how in another life, I could have been in a chef . But ED took away my love of cooking. I am slowly gaining it back. It makes me think of all the things that ED has taken. I have lost friends and boyfriends. There have been job and social opportunities. ED has made me afraid to try new things. And let's not talk about the physical and mental toll it has taken on my body. Hopefully, I can continue to make strides in my life.

Daily Dose
1. A thunderstorm is brewing. I love the sound and smell of rain.

2. Eating Cap'n Crunch straight from the box because I can.

3. Creating a meal with ramen noodles, hamburger and some great spices.

Monday, July 19, 2010

The appointment has been made

Apparently, July is a busy month for doctor appointments. After calling six doctor's offices, the earliest appointment I could get is next Thursday. The latest is the third week in August. I took next Thursday. I am not stressing or dwelling. Those two things have gotten me in trouble in the past. I made the appointment and now I shall wait.

I want thank everyone for their concern. Do not worry, I am not putting this off. But I am not telling my mom. I don't want her to worry. She has enough on her plate. So I am going to think positive thoughts and hope it is just nothing. It is better to be safe than sorry. I feel like this post is one big cliche.

My mom is in the hospital. She has been since Friday. She kept this little factoid from because she didn't want me running home. On one hand, I understand but on the other I am slightly peeved. Only slightly, I love my mom and I know she was looking out for me. Her doctor is concern with her weight loss and put her in the hospital to put more nutrients in her. This is why I want to recover. Cancer has caused my mom to lose 60 plus pounds. I have to keep trying to defeat ED. She is fighting for her life and I am squandering mine.

I decided not to apply for the job because it would be a step backwards for me. Plus, I'm not ready to go back just yet. This is home. This is my happy place. And I have a person here.

Daily Dose

1. Free coupon for a frappe from Mickey D's.

2. 1/2 coupon from Staples. Coupon + $1.99 notebook = $1 notebook and a very happy Silly Girl

3. Good vibes from good people :)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Something is brewing...

Things are starting to change in not only my professional but personal life. Today, I did absolutely nothing. The most strenuous thing I did was change the channel on the tv. This upcoming week is going to be brutal for me. I will have four days to work and organize my life before going home. My mom needs me. Her last chemo session is suppose to be Tuesday. It depends on if the doctor thinks she is strong enough. I am going home to take care of her for a few days.

So today, I did nothing but read magazines and watch tv. At work, my name was drawn for two free movie tickets. I have yet to see Eclipse. I think I might walk up the street to the movie theatre tomorrow.

I still struggle with staying here or moving home. I feel guilty being here but I would be absolutely miserable being home. I love it here. I have finally found a place to call home. I want to be a good daughter and mother but I just can't move back. There are some jobs in the area now. Am I being a selfish person or preserving my mental health? I think I preserving my mental stability. I have never been the most stable and whole cookie in the package. There are always crumbs and cracks. I belong here. I want to be here. And damn it, they like me here. It is not often a person can say this.

But there is still the guilt. This last chemo session is going to be rough. All the signs are there. My mom was taken to the ER early Friday morning. She is recuperating from low potassium level and vomiting. I was packed and ready to hit the road. She told me to stay here and come home next week. She would really need my calmness then. My mom thinks I'm calm and cool with all of this. But I am so scared. I hate seeing her in pain. It hurts my soul to hear her vomiting. And I am terrified of the day when she will no longer be on this earth. But she thinks I'm calm. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all better.

But the thing that scares me the most is what if cancer is somewhere lurking inside of me. Four of my mom's sisters and my grandmother died of some form of cancer. My aunt Em is a cancer survivor. My aunt Diane knows she is sick but refuses to do anything. Two cousins have found lumps in their breast. My 19-year-old pregnant cousin has early stage cervical cancer. So yeah, I am scared. Cancer is my family's legacy. And yesterday morning while showering, I found a lump in my breast.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Today was a really good day

It is has been a longtime but today I woke knowing it would be a good day. There was no bargaining with myself to get out of bed. I just did it willingly. Found the perfect outfit with cutest red peep toe heels. I look and feel AWESOME. It scares me when I am in a good mood because I wonder what will happen when the other shoe drops. But I will not worry about that today. I will just wallow in the awesomest of it.

I ate breakfast. Breakfast is the one meal I have never cared much for because I see breakfast time as extra sleep. This morning I stopped for a steak biscuit and Mocha Joe from Burger King.

If I could sing, which I can’t, I would sing “I feel pretty.” Part of my good mood stems from hearing some very good news from my mom. When she started her chemo, she had about 900 and something tumor markers. I think the highest one can go is about 2,000. Anyway, her doctor told her she has lost about 600 tumor markers. This means the chemo is working. I did a happy dance last night to the song, “1901.” And I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I didn’t flinch too much. I lost some weight when I was sick. Thank God I had gained some weight in order to donate blood because I would have been screwed.

I am not going to say I have been perfect for the last month and half. There were meals skipped because I just didn’t feel like getting out of bed. And I had zero appetite and no motivation. But I didn’t go completely without was those packages of tuna salad or ham salad with the crackers. I could reach in my beside table drawer and eat those or beans and franks. Today has been a good day and nobody is going to ruin it for me.

Daily Dose

1. Red peep toe heels

2. Good hair day

3. Sharing good vibes with others

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Greeting from my second "home"

I bring you greeting from my second home--my desk. The picture is of my computer and my muse, Bonnie the Bunny, who watches as I write my stories. There is one of several mugs of pens on my desk along with the candy cup and a picture of my little guy, JJ. This is where I spend most of my 50 plus hours each week. I love my little world.

Writing has always been a passion of mind. I have tried to write some fiction and some really bad poetry. The things I have done to woo guys. It was bad. Anyway, I have found my calling in being a reporter. I love being able to tell someone’s story. To them, it may not be important but to me it is.

On Tuesday, I did an interview that warmed my heart and delayed dinner by an hour. I met a Swedish man who is bicycling all over Europe and the United States. And with him is the ashes of 12-year-old boy. The boy’s wish was have his ashes scattered all over the world and Anders is fulfilling the request. I had a chance to see the ashes scattered here in RR. To some, it may not be a big deal but to me it was special.
There are days I want to have some kind of life changing experience or adventure. Then I realize I am doing it every day. For almost a year, I have lived here away from my son, my mom and friends. And even though I missed my son like crazy, I feel more at home here than I did there. I don’t know how long I will end up being here but for now I like it. Everyday is different with different stories and people. And occasionally I meet people like Anders who are passing through.

I literally have not spoke to my husband in a month. It started with him sending snitty text messages to me right before I got really sick. So I have just been texting him. It was rough trying to work and be sick without dealing with him. So I haven’t said a word to him out loud. Which also means I haven’t spoke to JJ. In order to speak to JJ, I have to speak to his daddy. There were days I could barely breath or stay awake because I so exhausted so I didn’t speak. I figured he got the money so leave me the hell alone.

Well, I am going to have to speak to him. And I dread it. I just don’t feel like talking to him. I’ll be polite but I really just want to talk to my son. My mom has her final chemo session on Tuesday. After some recuperation, she will have a round of tests to find out her next step. I didn't have the heart to tell her that her doctor does not feel comfortable with me being around her yet. This sucks but I don't want to be the reason she gets sick. So I stay here for a little while longer.

Daily Dose

1. Bonnie the Bunny is a great muse. For some reason she always agrees with me.

2. Meeting Anders.

3. Looking forward to doing absolutely nothing tonight. Hopefully!

Monday, July 12, 2010

5 things learned on a Monday

Today was suppose to be my day off. It was for the most part. I only worked four hours in 2 hour blocks. Anyway in my roaming around, I learned five things that I feel like sharing.

1. I found someone more socially awkward than me. This is a big thing because I am not a people person.

2. I drink entirely too much orange soda.

3. I want to work on Saturdays so I can be off from work on Mondays.

4. Senior citizen men just love talking to me. I think it is because I am so tiny and look so young.

5. The most interesting conversations happen in the laundromat.

It is raining. I am so glad it is tonight and not tomorrow. I have a meeting to cover tomorrow night and don't like driving in the rain. Interviews are starting for the managing editor position at my newspaper. I so want D to get it. Not only because she is my friend but because I think she will do a great job. Life has not been good in the newsroom lately. I love my job but I don't like actually going into the building. So I have been working weird hours to avoid some people. Okay, person. Soon things will change. I don't like change but I'll make an exception in this case.

Overall, a good day. I had a minor freakout this morning. I cleaned yesterday. I removed most of the boxes from in front of my mirror. I caught my reflection dancing around the room. I have good days and bad days of seeing myself in the mirror. Today was a so-so day. I didn't cover the mirror but I haven't looked since. This is something to work on with my therapist.

Daily Dose

1. Dancing around the room to music.

2. Was given some homemade pimento cheese. AWESOME stuff!

3. The sound of the rain hitting the air conditioner unit is making me sleepy.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

In a rut

I work. I sleep and eat. And I work. This has been my life. Now throw in a little exhaustion and an upper respiratory infection and what do you have? A Silly Girl who wants more out of life. I spent the day thinking of ways out of my rut. Socializing with others would be a good start. I am not good with people. I am a great at interviewing them and writing stories but no so good with the conversation and socializing.

I decided to come with 10 things to do by December 31, 2010--10 in 10!

1. Plan a social event.

This could range from planning a party to going out with friends.
2. Go to Richmond, Va.
I think Richmond is about an hour from here. One of my friends lives there.
3. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity
I have written a ton of stories about this organization and believe in their cause.
4. Learn to swim.
After almost drowning, I need to learn. Plus, D lives at the lake.
5. Watch a major sporting event with others instead of alone.
6. Have my son visit me in RR.
I want him to see where mommy lives and meet all of the people who know about him.
7. Have a spa day.
I think I go do this fairly inexpensively.
8. Go out to eat at a really nice restaurant.
There are some nice ones around here.
9. Get a story published in a magazine (not owned by my newspaper).
I have some prospects.
10. Celebrate on New Year's Eve with other people.
I have some pretty dresses and I should be wearing one when 2011 comes.

I think I can do about 7 of the ten. These 10 things have got me excited. So I'll keep you posted on how they are going.

Daily Dose

1. Taking a trip down memory lane.

2. I organized my closet and found a really cute top.

3. I miss Lost.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Finding a balance while beating the heat

I return to work this week with a slight vegenance. It is hard working while trying to get well. This heat is so draining. But I have been working on a balance.

RR is a great city but does not have much in terms of thrift stores. I love a good thrift store. There is something about finding a good deal while helping out a good cause. There is a consignment store in the mall that fills that need for me. I have found some of the most awesome things for good prices.

After a long week that ended with D being sick and me being frustrated, I needed some retail therapy. Those shoes pictured cost me $8 total. It is amazing a pair of shoes can refresh an outfit. There is a small group of women at the newspaper who I consider style goddess. These gals can dress and do it on a budget. Yesterday, I made it into the group. One of them, R, who always looks so polished. The humidity has been awful but she still looks like she just stepped out of the shower. I ran into her in the break room while wearing my awesome black and white dress (I posted a picture of it). She told me she loves my style especially my taste in shoes. R had planned to donate a bunch of her stuff and her daughters to the consignment store but said I was welcome to have first look. Can we say score!!!! It is great to be me.

I have come a long way from being a tomboy who refused to wear dresses to finding my own unique style. I love who I am becoming. This would have never been possible without being in recovery. I still have some issues I am working through with my therapist but I am doing okay.

Being sick has made me appreciate things more. If this had happened one to two years ago, I would have probably died because my body would have been much to weak and frail. Even with all the uncertainty in my life, I can at least count on my mental and physical health.

Daily Dose

1. Big Lots is awesome. They are having a sale on books and they are putting out back to school items.

2. Shoes, shoes and more shoes.

3. New episode of True Blood Sunday night

Monday, July 5, 2010

A modified day filled with Hardees and good conversation

I awoke with a mission this morning. I was working a little at the newspaper. I love holidays at the paper. No one else is there. It's just my computer, the scanner and I. And D showed up. We had breakfast from Hardees and talked about the weekend while she downloaded a ton of photos. The easiest five hours of work ever. And I did have to write a story and prepare my story budget. I wish all days could be like this--stress free.

I can feel change in the air. And for the first time, I am not afraid. I am ready to face it head on. And once things get stable at the paper, I am taking a swimming class so the next time I jump in the water I will enjoy it and not almost drown.

I am still on the mend. The past few days have been nice with rest and low humidity. It is time to return to the work and high humidity. I have learned my lesson. It is no fun having time off while sick. There were so many things I wanted to do but couldn't. As I write this, I am watching one of my favorite movies, Independence Day. I never get started of watching it. The perfect end to a medical staycation.

Daily Dose

1. The salad I made with grilled chicken and fresh greens.

2. Taking a deep breath without it hurting.

3. Living in the movement.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Medical Staycation--Day 3 the rise of Silly Girl

I woke up today feeling a little bit more like me. After ordering a biscuit and gravy to go, I read the Sunday paper without having to take a nap. I folded and put away a month's worth of laundry while catching up on Top Chief--Washington DC. Since today is July 4th, I grilled some chicken on my George Foreman. And then took a loooong nap.

A few weeks ago, I found this column online that asked if you could have just ten, what books would you keep?

What if I had to choose just ten books to last me for the rest of my life?

It is a question I ask sometimes when I look at the shelf in my room. It is stacked with many books and magazines. I can't imagine not having books in my life.

It has taken me about three weeks but here are my selections.

1. A blank book for my writing. It is not good for my thoughts to stay in my head.

2. The Bible: I am a spiritual person. My grandmother read the Bible to me as a child. And when she became ill, I read the Bible to her. Some of my best times were reading with her.

3. A good dictionary: There is something about looking up words old school. Google is great but sometimes you need to get back to the basics. Plus, sometimes I like to open it at random and learn a new word.

4. Prince Ombra by Roderick MacLeish: This is my favorite book of all time. I have two copies. One that I found in a bookstore by chance. The other copy is from my junior high school library that shows where I checked it out so much. When the junior high moved to a new building, the librarian made sure I got it.

5. The Stand: Expanded Edition: For the First Time Complete and Uncut by Stephen King--This books speaks to me on so many different levels.

6. The complete works of Shakespeare: He should be included.

7. Green Eggs and Ham-- Dr. Seuss: It is my favorite book to read and act out to my son.

8 The World Almanac and Book of Facts-- I learn something knew everything I thumb through it.

9. Night by Elie Wiesel: A powerful memoir of a childhood suffered in concentration camps during the Holocaust.

10. Grandmother's Kitchen Wisdom: I have learned so much from this book. It is the best 50 cents I have ever spent at a library.

What ten would you chose? It is not easy to do. I hope I never have to make that choice. I posted a picture of my bookshelf along with a picture of my favorite guy in the whole wide world.

Daily Dose

1. The History Channel is pretty cool.

2. Grilled chicken

3. Starting to feel like me again.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Medical Staycation--Day 2

Today finds me feeling better. I never thought I would feel this way again. I have a runny nose and can't stop sneezing. I have never felt so happy. I am finally getting better. I love Dr. B for finding the right combination. The time off has been nice.

One of my favorite movies, Runaway Bride, was on. I have been reading some back issues of Shape. I saw a question that asked what do I love about my body? My breasts. I was a late bloomer. I only wore a bra in high school because I didn't want to be called a freak in gym class for not wearing one. I figured I would always be small up top. And then something wonderful happen--the birth of JJ. Mama got boobs. I can feel out a top and some really cute dresses now. Makes a gal strut. And not to be too TMI--sometimes I do a little happy dance topless.

Even with ED trying to whisper in my ears. I love my breasts. They may not be much for some but I love my girls. There I said it. I must go because I hear some peanut butter panic ice cream calling to me softly. Have a good day!

Daily Dose

1. Shape magazine

2. Modern medicine

3. Becoming more comfortable with my body.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Medical Staycation--Day 1

I woke up at 4:30 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. I read the new GQ with Taylor Lautener on the cover. He is absolutely gorgeous. I haven't seen the latest Twilight movie. And I live down the street from the theater. The theater here only shows 3 movies so options are limited. But the place has been packed thanks to Twilight.

I started the antibotics, steroids and decongestant. I feel even worse but I think that is normal. I left the room to go to the bank and the post office, which left me quite tired. I have read a ton of magazines and watched Grey's Anatomy. Basically, I am behaving. My mom is so worried about me. She has called a few times.

I was checking the NC Press Association website. The Gaston Gazette needs a reporter and so does the Fayetteville. Gastonia is an hour from my mom. I'm not sure about applying for it. Deep down inside I know the answer--I want to stay here. I like it here. For the first time in a long time, I have friends and colleagues are good people. Plus, I got a person. There are things I still need to do. I am finally finding my groove and who I am.

I needed to get this off my chest. Also big thank you to all of y'all for your well-wishes. Have a Happy Fourth of July!!!!

Daily Dose

1. Chili from Wendy's

2. Finding my favorite juice on sale.

3. Having time to read a book in bed. And not a doctor's office or before a meeting.

Happy New Year!!!!

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